//ACROSS STATE LINES//
USING CRAIGSLIST, I POSTED A LISTING ON EVERY STATE. EACH HAD TO BE UNIQUE, AS IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO POST SIMILAR POSTS EVEN IN DIFFERENT STATES.
SAID POST READ THAT I WAS WORKING ON AN ART PROJECT. (OH MAN, DO PEOPLE LOVE THAT). AND THAT I NEEDED TO AQUIRE DIRT FROM EVERY STATE. I EXPLAINED THAT I CREATED A DIRT RETRIEVAL SYSTEM TO GET THE DIRT BACK TO ME, POSTAGE PAID. THEY SIMPLY HAD TO GO INTO THEIR BACKYARD, COLLECT IT, AND THROW IT IN THE MAIL. DUE TO POSAGE, EACH KIT COST AROUND 10 DOLLARS. I ENDED UP SENDING OUT OVER 100 KITS TO RECEIVE THE 52 STATE TOTAL (PLUS DC & PR). IT SEEMED THAT ALMOST HALF THE RESPONSES THOUGHT IT WAS A KEEN IDEA TO GET A POSTAGE PAID ENVELOPE TO SEND BIRTHDAY GIFTS TO THEIR RELATIVES.
EACH BAG OF DIRT WAS MOSTLY MUD, OR A MIXTURE OF SAND, GRAVEL, OR ROCKS. EVERY SPECIMEN NEEDED TO BE DRIED OUT BEFORE PROCESSING. HERE IS WHERE I SHOULD REFRAIN FROM SAYING THAT IT WAS A DIRTY JOB.
AS WE WERE EMPTYING THE BAGS, WE FOUND SEVERAL WORMS. I SLIGHTLY WONDERED IF I WAS POSSIBLY AIDING A HAND TO BIOLOGICAL WARFARE, OR JUST POSSIBLY ADDING TO THE MELTING POT THAT IS AMERICA. IMMIGRANT WORMS HAVE NOW SET UP COMMUNITIES IN MY YARD.
YUCK. MANY OTHER ODDITIES, EVEN COINS AND SEA SHELLS.
AFTER DRYING OUT, EACH SPECIMEN OF DIRT WAS THEN GROUND TO A COMMON CONSISTENCY.
ALL OF THE SAMPLES WERE THEN ORGANIZED. AND READY TO GO.
I UNEXPECTEDLY LEARNED MANY MANY THINGS FROM THIS COLLECTION. THE MASSIVE DIFFERENCES IN SOIL FROM EACH STATE, THE STORIES TOLD FROM EACH INDIVIDUALS SENDING THE DIRT IN, OH...AND THAT DIRT FROM HAWAII IS CURSED.
THIS MAKE A SMALL STUMBLING BLOCK WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO CREATE A PROJECT WITH DIRT FROM EVERY STATE. ESPECIALLY IF A CURSE FROM A VOLCANO GOD INHIBITS YOUR COLLECTION METHODS.
I CANNOT SPECULATE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER ON THIS BELIEF. OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE SOME STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS MATTER. I WILL SIMPLY OFFER THE THE FACTS AT HAND, AND LEAVE IT TO YOUR REASONING TO DECIDE.
I POSTED SEVERAL TIMES ON HAWAII'S CRAIGSLIST EXPLAINING SAID PROJECT, ASKING FOR DIRT. IT WAS CONTINUALLY FLAGGED AND REMOVED. FURTHER, I RECEIVED UPWARDS OF 50 EMAILS EXPLAINING THIS WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA, AND THAT I SHOULDN'T DO IT. SOME POLITELY INFORMATIONAL, OTHERS DOWN RIGHT RUDE.
A FRIEND OF MINE WAS GOING ON VACATION, AND OFFERED TO BRING THIS ILLUSIVE MATERIAL BACK FOR ME. HE CLIMED ONTO A CLIFF, AND PUT A HANDFUL OF RED MOUNTAIN SAND INTO A SALSA JAR.
ON THE PLANE RIDE BACK, HE BEGAN TO FEEL EXTREMELY ILL. UPON TOUCHDOWN, HE WAS RACED TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, AND WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ONSET DIABETES. HE CALLED ME FROM THE HOSPITAL BED TO TELL ME THE NEWS.
**AT THIS POINT IN THE STORY IS WHERE I CLICK DELETE ON THE FORWARDED EMAIL. THE ONLY THING IS, I AM NOT A FOREIGN DIGNITARY LOOKING TO UNLOAD MY FORTUNE. I AM SIMPLY RECOUNTING ACTUAL EXPERIENCES. WATCH THE BRADY BUNCH EPISODE...YOU'LL SEE.
I CALLED 1-800-GO-HAWAII, THE OFFICIAL BUREAU OF TOURISM. (IT IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST REGRETS THAT I DID NOT RECORD THIS CONVERSATION). I EXPLAINED THAT I WAS WORKING ON AN ART PROJECT, AND THAT I HAD A PIECE OF LAVA ROCK, RED SAND, BEACH SAND, AND DIRT FROM SOMEONE'S BACK YARD. SILENCE. I EXPECTED A CHUCKLE, OR CONFUSION. IN A SERIOUS DEAD PAN VOICE, SHE QUICKLY RESPONDED THAT I MUST IMMEDIATELY RETURN THE LAVA ROCK AND RED SAND. I SHOULD PROBABLY RETURN THE BEACH SAND, BUT THAT IT WAS UP TO ME. AND THAT THE DIRT WAS OK.
I REPEATED: "SO THE DIRT IS OK, BUT I NEED TO RETURN EVERYTHING ELSE?"
"YES."
"SO, ABSOLUTELY, THE DIRT IS NOT CURSED?"
"YOU SHOULD BE FINE."
SHE GAVE ME THE ADDRESS OF THE BISHOP MUSEUM, AND SAID THAT IF I WISHED, I COULD INCLUDE A NOTE OF WHY I WAS RETURNING IT. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THIS PLACE, FILLED WITH LITTLE TINY BAGS OF SAND AND LAVA ROCKS, WITH LETTERS OF PAIN AND AGONY ATTACHED.
MARRIAGES THAT HAVE GONE WRONG, AND AFTER A LATE NIGHT OF FIGHTING SHE LOOKS OVER TO HER BED STAND, STARRING AT THE PIECE OF SHELL FROM THEIR HONEYMOON. "THAT'S IT!" SHE EXCLAIMS, AND MAILS THE CURSED MATERIAL BACK THAT HAS RUINED HER MARRIAGE.
I THINK QUITE POSSIBLY THIS COULD BE AN AMAZING SIGHT TO SEE. A CONCEPTUAL SHOWING OF THE MYRIAD OF HUMAN EMOTION BASED ON THIS BELIEF. MAN, ARE WE ARE STRANGE CREATURES.
I CURRENTLY HAVE LOST THE FOLDER OF LETTERS AND IMAGES SENT ALONG WITH THE DIRT BAGS. HERE IS A SAMPLING. WHEN THE FOLDER IS RECOVERED, I WILL POST HERE. IT IS FULL OF INTRIGUING AND AMAZING CORRESPONDENCE. SOME WROTE LONG LETTERS, AND SENT PHOTO DOCUMENTATION OF THE RETRIEVAL PROCESS.
